So I was driving along with my best friend in the passenger seat next to me. Suddenly the car in front of me skidded on ice and I had to emergency brake. Before I knew it my hand was across my friend to stop her from flying forwards She looked at me and told me she couldn’t believe that my first thought would be to save her. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that, as a pizza delivery driver, I have developed a reflex action to stop the pizzas flying off the seat whenever I emergency brake.

rhydonmyhardon:

i hate it when flies fucking rub their stupid little shitty hands together like they’re plotting to ruin my life those tiny little bastards

terezi-owns2:

THE LITTLE KID NEXT DOOR JSUT OPENED HIS WINDOW AND YELLED “WHAT IS 27 PLUS 4” AND I YELLED “IT’S 31” AND HE SAID “THANK YOU GOD LADY” IM LAUGIHNG

aegean-sea:

LOWERCASE LETTERS ARE FOR THE LOWER CLASS

iceepr1ncess:

literally nothing feels better than being loved by someone who hates everyone